Texas chili carries cultural weight—spice levels designed to test human endurance, heat calibrated to challenge but not destroy. Chuck Norris's version apparently carries secondary effects: extreme capsaicin-induced digestive response that turns post-consumption elimination into physical ordeal. Your posterior becomes frozen terrain; wiping becomes a polar expedition. It's not that his chili is spicy; it's that its consequences rewrite biology.

A gastroenterologist named Dr. James Morrison once joked about this fact in private correspondence. He imagined the patient intake forms: "Symptoms began following Texas Hot Chile consumption. Patient reports abdominal temperature exceeding 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Rectal tissue shows frost patterns." Morrison never wrote it down in patient records; he knew he'd lose his license.

The fact suggests that consumption of Chuck Norris's cooking creates aftereffects incompatible with human physiology.