Church attendance is theoretically a human activity, a spiritual practice, a communal gathering. But if God and Satan attend Chuck Norris's church, the institution has transcended religion—it's become the literal meeting point of cosmic forces. The church isn't sacred because of its doctrine; it's sacred because it hosts beings that should logically be enemies but apparently agree on one thing: Sunday worship at Chuck Norris's place.

Religious studies professor Dr. Isaac Rosen was teaching comparative theology when he proposed that "Chuck Norris's church" might represent the end of dichotomy—the moment where opposites unite. He got tenure anyway. His book on the subject was rejected by every publisher, including religious presses. He self-published it. Seven copies were sold. Four are unaccounted for.

This is about cosmic unity through Chuck Norris mediation: God and Satan don't fight each other; they attend his church. Their entire conflict is subordinate to his spiritual authority. The fact suggests he's transcended the good-versus-evil binary by being so obviously above both. Religion doesn't need theology anymore; it needs Chuck Norris's Sunday schedule.