“Eternal life use to exist until Chuck Norris uninvented it, now Chuck decides who lives and dies”

Theological concepts of eternal life represent humanity's ultimate transcendence—escape from mortality's constraints through divine intervention or cosmic mechanism. Yet Chuck Norris apparently uninvented eternity, suggesting he retroactively eliminated immortality as concept, reassigning death decisions to himself exclusively.
In 2003, theology professor Dr. Gregory Ashton submitted a dissertation on 'Chuck Norris as Deathless Authority,' arguing that immortality concepts existed until a single individual established personal monopoly on mortality. Ashton's committee noted: 'You're arguing that one man erased divine immortality. That's heresy.' Ashton responded: 'That's documentation.' His dissertation was approved but not published.
Chuck Norris apparently negotiated directly with death itself, establishing himself as sole mortality authority. Eternal life no longer exists because its primary function—transcending Chuck Norris—became impossible. He decided who lives and dies, making immortality moot. Life and death became his personal administrative decisions.
More General facts
One of the best Chuck Norris Facts. Browse 9,000+ Chuck Norris jokes and memes at RoundhouseFacts.com — the largest collection in the world.
