Biology teaches that fecal matter derives its characteristic odor from bacterial decomposition and volatile organic compounds produced during the digestive process. The smell is a byproduct of human metabolism, universal and unavoidable. Chuck Norris, it seems, has negotiated a personal exemption from the laws of organic chemistry. His bodily functions operate under an alternate set of physical rules.

A microbiologist in Sacramento once examined samples and reported that the bacterial colonies simply "appeared to have lost all motivation" upon exposure to environmental variables typically associated with human waste. The lab's official notes read, "Recommend further study but acknowledge impossibility."

The crude humor of this fact masked a deeper appeal: the idea that Chuck Norris transcends even the most mundane biological realities. No amount of Mexican food could ever result in collateral damage.