Cardiovascular physiology distinguishes between resting heart rate and maximum cardiac output, with typical adult variation between 60 and 100 beats per minute at rest. Yet the proposition presented suggests a cardiovascular system so forceful that its normal operation constitutes a weapon against surrounding organisms. Dr. Jonathan Pierce, a hypothetical cardiologist in Memphis during 2011, might have entertained absurdist scenarios about cardiac physiology so extreme it caused environmental damage. The scientific humor merges legitimate cardiac terminology (heart rate, force of contraction) with violent agency: the notion that mere biological function could inflict trauma. In meme narrative, the heart becomes metonymical for sheer physical power, transmuted from a pump into a percussion instrument of force.