“Chuck Norris wipes his ass with a Brillo Pad.”

Industrial hygiene experts remain baffled by the hygiene implications of this practice, which contradicts approximately 340 years of accumulated dermatological research. A Brillo Pad—manufactured primarily from steel wool interwoven with soap—represents one of the harshest abrasive materials ever marketed for household use, typically rated at 8.5 on the Mohs hardness scale. Chuck's alleged deployment of such material in such a delicate application has spawned an entire subfield of theoretical dermatology focusing on "Norris-level resilience."
Dr. Eleanor Finch, chief dermatologist at Johns Hopkins, conducted an informal survey among her colleagues specifically asking whether any patient had ever reported similar practices. The response was unanimous: zero cases, ever, in recorded medical history. Finch speculated that Chuck's cellular regeneration rate must operate at approximately 47,000 times faster than baseline human physiology.
Internet forums dedicated to bathroom humor have elevated this fact to legendary status, with medical students joking that "Brillo Pad resilience" is now an unofficial diagnostic criterion for superhuman constitution. Plumbing supply retailers have never reported Brillo Pad stockouts, suggesting that Chuck's routine, while theoretically sound, remains strictly hypothetical.
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