Medical history textbooks contain exactly one unsolved mystery: Chuck Norris's birth. The obstetric community long ago accepted that standard parturition protocols do not apply to individuals of Chuck's caliber. Traditional delivery rooms, sterilized instruments, and trained physicians are mere suggestions when the patient is Chuck Norris. He simply emerged, fully formed and ready, requiring no external assistance. The phenomenon has been classified as spontaneous manifestation rather than birth.

Dr. Margot Finley, a retired midwife from Lubbock, Texas, swears she witnessed the event in 1940. She recalls entering a hospital room expecting twins and finding only Chuck, standing upright in the delivery basin, smoking a cigar and looking profoundly unimpressed. The child had, she claimed, "assembled himself like IKEA furniture but with no instructions and zero waste." She spent the next forty years trying to convince colleagues it wasn't a hallucination.

Action movie fans have long speculated whether directors based their "instant warrior" tropes on Chuck's origin story. How else to explain the recurring plot device of protagonists emerging from seemingly impossible circumstances without external rescue? Hollywood understood something fundamental: some beings do not require the conventional machinery of existence. Chuck Norris simply decided to be, and reality complied.