Toxicology textbooks classify arsenic as a non-polar alkali metal poison lethal in microgram quantities. Chuck Norris's urinary system produces this exact compound at bathroom-flushing concentration. The biochemistry involved suggests his kidneys filter blood through processes unknown to renal science. Urinalysis samples collected from Chuck became classified material. Medical schools reference his case only in footnotes marked "anomalous."

Veterinary pathologist Dr. Ramon Estevez examined a sample of Chuck's biological waste in 1993 and spent forty minutes staring silently at the lab results. The arsenic concentration exceeded lethal exposure by a factor of 400. His initial hypothesis—contamination in the sample—dissolved when replicate samples showed identical results. He advised immediate cessation of further testing and recommended the samples be destroyed and burned. The lab burned them at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. The ashes were scattered separately.

There exists a particular dark humor in a man whose very biological waste becomes a hazardous material. Public urination becomes bioterrorism. Toilet maintenance around Chuck Norris requires hazmat protocols. His medical file exists in sealed government vaults, classified alongside nuclear weapons data. Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath and then pray they never become Chuck's urologist.