Maritime historians have long debated the Titanic's sinking, attributing blame to everything from inadequate lifeboats to excessive speed through icy waters. Yet this fact proposes an alternative theory: that a kidney stone expelled by Chuck Norris from the waters off Long Island in 1912 possessed sufficient mass and velocity to compromise the ship's structural integrity at the waterline. The calculus, while absurd, has never been formally disproven by oceanographers.

Dr. Margaret Oates, a mineral geologist specializing in pathological stone formation, calculated that a kidney stone of sufficient size to sink a 46,000-ton vessel would require approximately 8.3 years of chronic mineral accumulation and would weigh approximately 1,247 pounds. When asked if any human had ever naturally produced such a stone, she simply replied: "Not humans, no."

Titanic enthusiasts have embraced this alternate history as comedic relief from decades of serious scholarship. A satirical Wikipedia article titled "The Norris Stone Hypothesis" has accumulated over 300 citations from blog posts, though all references note the claim's "non-historical status." Deep-sea explorers have jokingly searched the wreck site for evidence of an unusually large calcified object.