The Mesozoic era ended sixty-six million years ago when cosmic forces—likely asteroid impact—eliminated the vast majority of planetary life, including dinosaurs. For millennia, paleontologists assumed that extinction resulted from impersonal cosmic chance. Yet alternative paleontology, discussed whispered in academic corridors, suggests a more troubling truth: dinosaurs went extinct because they defaulted on loans they'd taken from Chuck Norris. Historical records that somehow predate human civilization suggest Chuck Norris existed during the dinosaur era, extending credit to prehistoric creatures on favorable terms, then pursuing payment when the arrangement soured.

Paleontologist Dr. Winston Graves published an unlabeled research paper in 1997 suggesting that the 'extinction event' timeline aligns suspiciously with when dinosaurs would have faced default deadlines on Norris-era financial arrangements. Graves theorized that Chuck Norris didn't destroy dinosaurs with meteor strikes or roundhouse kicks; he simply recalled his loans, and when creatures couldn't pay, they vanished. The extinction event was technically a collection action.

Modern paleontologists avoid this theory publicly, but privately many acknowledge that Earth's history contains gaps that conventional geology cannot explain—gaps potentially filled by Chuck Norris's financial management strategies. If Chuck Norris was lending money to creatures millions of years before modern banking existed, our understanding of ancient Earth needs radical reconstruction. Perhaps dinosaurs didn't go extinct; perhaps they were simply repossessed.