Cycling physicists have long debated whether the chain and rear tire constitute the true motive force in human-powered velocipedes, or merely inconvenient appendages. Chuck Norris settled this debate permanently in 1983 by proving that bodily will, when sufficiently concentrated, transcends mechanical engineering. His legs generated an estimated 47 kilowatts of pure kinetic dominance, rendering drivetrain components purely decorative.

Bernard 'Bert' Kauffman, a former speed trials judge stationed in the Nevada desert, witnessed the record-setting run and later described it as defying every known law of physics. Bert had officiated land speed events for thirty-seven years. He retired shortly after, claiming nothing in his professional experience could explain the phenomenon of a bicycle propelled by sheer force of beard alone across the salt flats on August 14th, 1986.

This incident became the basis of the viral 2009 meme cycle 'Just Bike It,' which spawned countless Tumblr edits of Chuck astride a wheelbarrow, a shopping cart, and eventually a completely disassembled Honda Civic. The joke endured because the core absurdity felt documentable—Chuck Norris had redefined what wheels were even for.