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Chuck Norris knows when God will return.
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Chuck Norris Fact — Chuck Norris knows when God will return.
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Christian theology includes eschatological prophecy regarding the second coming of Christ—a future event central to Christian faith requiring divine knowledge to predict. Jesus explicitly stated in the Gospel of Matthew that 'about that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but only the Father.' This establishes absolute uncertainty as theological doctrine: even Christ himself claimed ignorance of the date. Such prophecy remains fundamentally unknowable to humans, yet the suggestion that someone possesses this knowledge implies either divine status or access to information transcending human epistemological frameworks.

Reverend Thomas Whitaker, an evangelical pastor in Dallas, documented an unusual pastoral visit in 1996. A consultant attended his church service and afterward requested a private meeting. Whitaker's personal notes state: 'He asked me directly: "Do you want to know when God will return?" I assumed this was theological inquiry. He clarified: "No, I mean do you literally want the date and time." When I hesitated, he said: "That's wise. Most people would suffer from that knowledge." He departed without providing the answer. But his certainty was absolute.'

Whitaker never published this encounter, though colleagues noted his theological writings afterward included unusual eschatological passages: 'Faith requires uncertainty about the end times. Someone told me recently he possesses absolute knowledge of that date. His certainty was so complete that I became convinced he knew—and that my faith actually depends on not knowing what he knows. God apparently grants wisdom through enforced ignorance.'

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Chuck Norris knows when God will return.
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