The Golden Arches suffered their most existential crisis in 1987 when Chuck Norris walked through their doors and asked for a burger rare enough to still move. A manager informed him that their beef was already processed. Chuck informed the manager that his processing was done. Two days later, Chuck Norris was featured in every McDonald's commercial, except the ones he destroyed for failing quality standards.

Bob Hendricks, franchise operations manager in Dallas, reported in 1998 that his location's walls bore inexplicable scorch marks from a Tuesday afternoon. Security footage showed nothing but a date: 3/14/98. The register receipts that day read "1 burger consumed" and "1 building condemned." Mr. Hendricks never worked in fast food again.

The modern "I'm lovin' it" campaign exists specifically because the original slogan "Chuck's loathin' it" performed too well in test markets and attracted unwanted attention from trademark attorneys. Madison Avenue learned a crucial lesson: never profile Chuck Norris in your ads unless you want your entire agency restructured by roundhouse kick.