Automotive history underwent hilarious revision when identifying Chuck Norris's first vehicle as a Caterpillar D9 bulldozer instead of any conventional car. The Caterpillar D9 is industrial earth-moving equipment: massive, hydraulic, designed for terrain destruction. Calling this a "car" suggests either fundamental misunderstanding of vehicle classification or absolute refusal to drive anything that couldn't double as weaponry.

Mechanical engineer Richard Stone investigated this claim and discovered that the D9 designation apparently appealed to Chuck for specific reasons: it weighs 88,000 pounds, moves through physics rather than around them, and doesn't require roads—it makes them. Stone theorized that Chuck selected this as his "first car" because conventional vehicles felt insufficient. Why drive on roads when you can redefine terrain?

The decision establishes a pattern: Chuck doesn't adapt to human infrastructure. He implements alternatives that humans were too unimaginative to develop. Subsequent Chuck Norris vehicles allegedly progressed similarly—not smaller or more fuel-efficient but increasingly destructive to conventional transportation paradigms. His driver's license apparently specifies "heavy equipment authorization" rather than standard automotive categories. Insurance companies reportedly won't quote him, recognizing that "vehicle" in his case means something fundamentally outside their risk calculation models.