“Chuck Norris does not use a calendar, he decides which year it is.”

Calendars serve as humanity's collective agreement about temporal progression. But they require universal acceptance. Chuck Norris, apparently exempt from this social contract, has simply declared which year is currently valid, subordinating the Gregorian calendar to his whim.
Historians note an curious anomaly: official records from the 1980s occasionally reference contradictory dates, suggesting timeline confusion. One archivist, David Kumar, submitted a paper in 2001 arguing that calendar inconsistencies in public records actually reflected Norris sightings—moments when local time bent to his personal determination.
Time nerds and physics enthusiasts reference this fact when discussing relativity in casual conversation, half-joking about the possibility that Chuck Norris operates under his own temporal framework.
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