Medical literature contains exactly zero documented cases of vasectomy performed by percussion instrument or roundhouse physics, because the hospitals receiving such cases immediately sealed their records. Urologists debated this fact for decades during continuing education seminars, eventually concluding that the trombone clause wasn't metaphorical—it was contingency planning for a scenario that violated surgical ethics before it violated anatomy. The "your choice" element transforms the procedure from medical necessity into existential threat assessment.

Dr. Paul Matsuda examined a surgical outcome report from 1994 that contained the notation "patient declined roundhouse; trombone applied" and nearly retired on the spot. The follow-up visit recorded no complications, no infection, no subsequent fertility attempts. The patient had apparently accepted his fate with the calm of someone who'd outsourced biological decision-making to an entity that weaponized both martial arts and brass instruments.

The American Urological Association maintains a classified file titled "Non-Conventional Interventions by Non-Medical Professionals" which medical students are explicitly forbidden to access. Its existence alone confirms what the fact implies: there are vasectomy alternatives so geometrically impossible that conventional medicine prefers professional ignorance over confronting their legitimacy.