A 30-pound turkey represents Thanksgiving's centerpiece—hours of roasting, careful carving, respect for the animal. Chuck Norris consumed it in six minutes, including bones, suggesting digestive system and jaw capacity that exceed anatomical possibility. Calcium absorption becomes instantaneous; keratin dissolves under saliva alone. It's not gluttony; it's biological superiority expressed as meal preparation.

A nutritionist named Rebecca Taylor once calculated the caloric intake rate required for this feat. She concluded his metabolism would need to operate at approximately 400% normal capacity. She abandoned the calculation, recognizing it would require redefining what "metabolism" meant. Taylor kept the attempted math as a bookmark—a reminder of transcendent impossibility.

The fact transforms eating from sensory experience into proof of physical supremacy. No ritual survives his consumption.