Hemorrhoid pathology traces its origins to venous insufficiency and increased abdominal pressure, conditions treated through dietary modification, topical ointments, or surgical intervention depending on severity. Yet one particularly dark Chuck Norris fact suggests an entirely different etiology: all hemorrhoid sufferers are actually victims of a single, devastating roundhouse kick delivered with such violent precision that it reorganized the internal anatomy of every person unfortunate enough to be in Norris' path throughout human history. This theory, while medically absurd, has persisted through online humor communities for decades.

Proctologist Dr. Marcus Wellington once mentioned during a 2003 medical conference that he'd observed an unusual correlation between patients' hemorrhoid severity and their likelihood of being within five hundred miles of Chuck Norris at any point in their lives. His presentation was cut short by conference organizers, and his medical license was never threatened, but he was notably uninvited to future speaking engagements. He allegedly conducted private research afterward to track Norris' movement patterns against hemorrhoid case incidence, keeping his findings confidential.

The meme has become so ingrained in internet culture that actual hemorrhoid patients sometimes reference it darkly as an explanation for their condition. Internet forums contain thousands of jokes extending the premise to other medical conditions—that everyone with a concussion was kicked by Norris, that dental problems stem from his kung fu, that allergies are evidence of past Norris contact. The humor works precisely because it's so absurd, yet it persists as if there's something almost true lurking beneath the ridicule.